I think maybe I am thinking too much these days. Maybe worrying too much is more accurate.

I need new headshots because I got my hair cut short so now I don't look like my headshot. Not that I ever did. I always think I look like a transvestite in that picture. It's so discouraging. I have spent a grand on headshots since I started doing film again in 98 and I hate all of my pictures.

I don't wear makeup but you have to have makeup for the pictures. Something to do with it being black and white but it makes no sense to me. Shamus have me the kiss of death when I went in for the Wedding Crashers audition. He said I don't look anything like my picture and that is before I cut my hair. Good feedback but expensive.

I am behind on my union dues again. I got the notice right before I moved and then I forgot about it. Union dues, new headshots, makeup, reproduction and then what? Let's say I spend all that money and then I get a call to do some work and I am too sick to do it. That is my fear. So far I have managed to do two movies and a TV show while sick but the last one I was effectively blinded by the lights on the set. I would be mortified if I couldn't do the work after I was hired because of my brain. So I sit here thinking thinking thinking and getting pissed off because I missed out on the Wire and now will on XXX Enemy of the State.

Maybe I should call SAG and talk to someone there about getting on the disabled list. It sucks to be so sick and look so healthy.