Crazy conmen

We went up to New York yesterday to see my friend James' show, The Adventures of Nervous-Boy, and on our way back to our car we saw all these rats running around by a woman sitting in a chair on the edge of the sidewalk. I was going to tell her she might want to move her chair since there were so many rats, one of them hiding just a foot or two away from her when she started saying she wanted to read my palm.

She was going on about how I need to stop looking for love, that love is looking for me so I humored her, wondering just how wrong she could be. She started in on the standard stuff, I was going to fall in love, money was coming my way, lots and lots of it if I only followed her directions, peace and fulfillment, happiness, success, etc, etc.

Then she says she'll give me a discount, a tarot card reading for 95 bucks. I say hell no. She says tarot and the palm for 50. I say no. She finally says a four card reading and the palm for thirty. Then she asks me what I am most worried about and I tell her some upcoming surgery (actually not what I am most worried about) and she says she has something for me and if I give her 350 dollars and follow her instructions I won't need any surgery. I tell her no. She starts going on about the money again, I will have all this money coming in if I give her this money and if I sign something (? Was a Nigerian going to appear?)

I tell her no again and she gets even weirder. She says I have to put my money where my mouth is. What this means I have no idea. I have said very little and I'm certainly not betting with this crazy woman with the missing teeth. I am very tired because I had to take some phenargan to keep from throwing up and the part of me that wants nothing more than to go to sleep wonders vaguely if she's going to put a curse on me and I search her face looking for hairy moles. I don't find any and by now she's moved on to trying to find out my precise financial situation. She asks me how much money I do have. I tell her just enough to pay the tolls and get home. She asks if I have a money card. I assume she means an ATM card or a credit card. I can only imagine what she would do with this type of information, buy a crystal ball and some new teeth with my nonexistent money.

I tell her no. She says she'll help me for 250 and if I don't do it then it's the hospital for me. She points out I will pay more than this to a surgeon. I tell her no. She looks back down at the cards she has drawn and tells me one of my children is deeply unhappy and if I give her the money she'll give me the cure so he will be happy. At this point I lost my temper and she lost whatever bizarre entertainment value she may have had and I got in the car and we drove home. What a nasty, vicious creep.