This is a true story

We have these two rats, Karma and Paz. They're Cornish Rex rats, about six months old I guess. They're growing through this crazy growth spurt and every time I play with them I tell them how amazed I am at how enormous they are. A couple of days ago I let them run around my room for a few hours; they mostly like to hang out under my nightstand so they're pretty easy to round up when it's time to put them away.

Yesterday I was putting something in my nightstand and I noticed they'd been in my box of checks. I keep everything I need to pay the rent in a little box, stamps, a pen, envelopes, checks, and the property manager's address and the rats had moved everything around, in fact I couldn't find the envelopes at all. I kind of wondered if they were building a nest somewhere but didn't worry too much.

Today Cullen and I went to the computer store to see about the loose USB port problem and so I could buy an external harddrive for backup. While we were there I felt like we were in a dystopic skiffy film; the television was on in the background and in the twenty minutes or so we were there we heard two breaking news stories about bombings in the Middle East, one at a resort and that the Israeli army had killed 27 civilians. In between this was a report about record heat waves sweeping the entire US. I felt like Cullen and I should just get in the car and drive to some mountains or something and hide there for a few years.

When we got home there was a notice on the door saying a large envelope or package had not been delivered and I could pick it up at the post office between 12 and 12:15 (really) or they would try to redeliver it.

Now I am not expecting a package of any sort. I haven't bought anything online.

But obviously the rats did. They bought something via mail order, most likely a small boat or submarine so they can sail down the river to the Chesapeake Bay and from there make their way to the sea and eventually to a small South Sea Island where they can live in peace during the coming world war and global warming.