Wednesday, April 30, 2008

How to survive a...

This wiki how to survive a riot is easily adapted to what to do in case of zombie attack.

1. Be prepared. If you know an area is ripe for a zombie attack but you can't avoid traveling there, take some simple precautions to help protect yourself. Wear clothes that minimize the amount of exposed skin--long pants and long-sleeve shirts, for instance--when going out, and think about your possible escape routes and safe havens before anything actually happens. Carry some cash with you in case you need to quickly arrange transportation, pay off looters, or bribe police at a checkpoint. If you're traveling abroad, register with your country's consulate and carry your passport and/or visa with you at all times.
Stock up on anything you can use the incapacitate the zombies. Be creative. If you don't know how to fire a rifle this may not be the best time to learn. Shaun and Ed managed to get by with everything from LPs to cricket bats.

2. Remain calm. Zombies bring intense emotions boiling to the surface, but if you want to survive one you'd be better off keeping yours in check. Your adrenaline and survival instincts will kick in, but try to think rationally and pursue safety methodically.
Don't just run around screaming. For one thing you'll just get their attention and then they'll be after you with their infernal cry of "brains, brains." If you get stuck in the middle of a crowd of zombies try to act line of them until you can make your escape.

3. Get inside and stay inside. Typically zombie attacks occur in the streets or elsewhere outside. Being inside, especially in a large, sturdy structure, can be your best protection to weather the storm. Keep doors and windows locked, avoid watching the zombies from windows or balconies, and try to move to inside rooms, where grabbing you through windows or doors is minimized. Try to find at least two possible exits in case you need to evacuate the building in a hurry. Try to contact police or your country's consulate to let them know where you are, but don't be disheartened if they're all dead. If zombies are targeting the building and gain entry, try to sneak out or hide.
Avoid malls. Modern zombies know that the mall is often a source of tasty brains and fashionable clothing. It's best to plan ahead now. My family makes it a habit to constantly evaluate buildings and determine which one we'll dash into in case of a zombie attack. We also carry bottled water and quality reading material in case it turns into a siege.

4. Stay on the sidelines. If you're caught up in a zombie attack, don't take sides. Try to look as inconspicuous as possible, and slowly and carefully move to the outside of the mob. Stay close to walls or other protective barriers if possible.


Some of that is terrible advice. Of course you have to take sides. While you don't want to be eaten in a fruitless rescue attempt statistics show that groups of people come through zombie attacks better than singletons. Do move away slowly and carefully and of course hiding can be an excellent option.

I'm going to skip ahead a bit here.
* Avoid major roads. Major roads, squares, and other high traffic areas are liable to be crowded with rioters. If possible, stick to less-traveled side streets to avoid the mobs.


This can be terrific advice, especially as the road may be full of abandoned vehicles, but it can also lead you into trouble because your chances of running into assistance are lower on deserted roads. Nobody wants to be caught next to an old cemetery with no help in sight as the remnants of a Civil War battle converges on their out of gas car.

* Avoid public transportation. Buses, subways, and trains will likely be out of service, and stations and depots will probably be packed with people. Even if you succeed in getting on a train or bus, zombies may stop it. Subway stations are particularly bad places to be, both because they are generally difficult to escape and because zombie making chemicals are generally heavier than air and may drift down into subway stations and accumulate there.
While normally I advocate public transportation there are some good points here. I would also avoid elevators. They may have escape ladders but you know how zombies love to grab your leg just as you think you've escaped.

* Don't stop your car. If you're lucky enough to have a car that you can drive away from the riot, drive quickly and try not to stop for anything until you've reached someplace you know is safe. If people seem to block your escape route; honk your horn, and carefully drive through or around them at a moderate speed, and they should get out of the way.


Of course if the people are the walking dead you may need to drive carefully through or over them at great speeds to make your account. Be sure to fasten your seatbelt. No sense in exposing your brain to the zombies. Make them work for their snack.

7. Get to a safe place, and stay put. Choose a safe haven carefully. Sometimes it can be as close as your hotel room, but other times you'll need to get out of the country entirely. If you're abroad, you will generally want to head to your country's embassy or the airport. Try to contact the embassy before going there, however, to let them know you're coming and to find out if it is safe to go there. If a mob is gathered outside, embassy staff may be able to direct you to a safer place. In any case, just try to put as much distance as possible between yourself and the zombie attack.


I'm afraid much of this advice is less than helpful. The biggest problem with a zombie attack, assuming you survive the first few moments, is figuring where to go for long term safety. This is where preplanning is crucial. Once you've figured out your safety zone you should run regular zombie drills, timing how long it takes to get your family to safety. With practice you should be able to get this to a decent number.

Best of luck and may God go with you.

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