Fairy tale classified ad

I like this ad from craigslist because it sounds like part of a fairy tale. It's an ad for free pumpkins and it says:

They are presantly sitting on my front steps - free for the taking - fist come first serve - please dont linger in my yard or take my flower pots and please shut my gate so my dog dont get out and eat someone.

See, if you take the flower pots the dog eats you. If you let the dog out it eats someone else, someone important to your quest. Maybe it eats the princess or someone who was going to help you rescue the princess.

I guess it could also work as part of a video game. Whichever makes you happier.