What have I been doing for the last few months?

I keep meaning to write a little something explaining why my blogging has been so erratic. Unfortunately I usually think about it when I'm the state that keeps me from blogging so it never gets done.

I didn't get much sleep last night. I fell asleep around four and my CPAP machine kept coming apart and waking me up. The hose that runs from the machine to my face mask comes away from the actual thingie blowing the air and the result is suddenly I feel like I'm suffocating and wake up in a panic.

Doing anything in a panic when you have PTC brings on a headache which makes getting back to sleep problematic.

I woke up at nine thinking I would have to close the blinds because the light is killing my eyes. The blinds are closed. It's just more photophobia. Sigh.

So yeah it's hard to think today and when I do think I think maybe I'm going to throw up and my whole big plan to venture out into the world with Chris for a haircut and some patio furniture may be shot. Right now I haven't mustered the ability to get up to brush my teeth. And it's not because I am depressed, really, it's just that movement triggers pain and vomiting. I think maybe I am training my body to be immobile by rewarding it with awful things when it does ordinary activities.

Days like these don't usually result in blog entries. I might have something perfectly good, interesting, or amusing to say but I can't figure out how to say it properly. Words and phrases that I can access seem like pale ghosts of themselves. I know there are better ones floating out there but they can't get past the PTC shield to get to where I can use them.

Teresa Neilsen Hayden described it much better yesterday.

With a little luck I will get a handle on this disease and life will get back to normal. Then I'll be too busy doing stuff to post...