Worrying about stupid stuff

Tomorrow morning I get an MRI and an MRV to see if I have any blood clots in my brain. If I do they could be clogging up the drainage and that is why I still have this PTC even after two years of taking Diamox. It would also explain why my optic nerves are swollen again.

The dumb thing is I am terrified of getting the scan done. I'm so nervous that I can't feel my fingers.

What is there to be frightened of? Even if I have a ginormous clot right spang in the middle of my brain finding about about isn't the same as getting it, if it's there it's there where I know it's there or not.

I guess it all comes to the fact that Danny died during a CT scan when he vomited and choked to death. I guess I'm afraid the same thing will happen to me. I do throw up all the time and MRIs are awful tight spaces. When you get your knee scanned you can kind of not be in the machine so much but when it's your brain you haven't got much of a choice.

I don't know why I can't just take loads of valium tomorrow morning. It used to be quite fashionable. Sigh.