Poor kid

I think it's the details that makes the Onion so funny. This poor boy.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/ah-great-i-think-i-got-a-goddamned-monster-in-my-c,17217/

Ah, for Christ's sake. Is that a goddamned monster in my closet again?

What is it with these son of a bitch monsters? Every night with the creaking and the crawling. Enough, already, will ya? Give it a rest! Look, I've brushed my teeth, I've put on my jammies, Mommy's tucked me in—I'm all ready for beddy-bye here, for crying out loud. And now I have to lie here in the darkness like a putz and wait for some stupid monster to tear me limb from limb? Give me a break!

Doesn't he sound like Holden Caulfield?