Saturday, January 31, 2004

A long time ago I read this book that Alan leant me called The Universe is a Green Dragon. It wasn't my bag but I remember one thing I really liked. It said everyone is doing the best they can. That you shouldn't judge other people or get mad them because they are in their own place and other elements are preventing them from doing better.

I try really hard to keep this in mind but when I get email saying the sender's email is not working and would I please email them to find a work around I have to really wonder just how hard they are trying.

Where's Trixi?

When someone says "She'll never be a little girl again" what does that really mean? Don't we all, no matter how tired and downtrodden, have the ability to find that one perfect moment of grace and light and love and joy in throwing caution away and living in the moment?

Why do we never say it about boys? Why is being a little girl better than being a little

I am so glad I was born a girl.

Where's Trixi?

That was fun. Tim took me swimming at the indoor Olympic swimming pool. My goodness he made me feel all warm inside when he looked at me in my swimsuit. It's not particularly revealing but wowie that smile of his can light me up inside.

Then he took me out for ribs. It was a really nice evening. I kissed him good night for a change. We're going to see a play Tuesday night and then the ballet on Thursday. I guess he is trying to make up for the loss of my time off of work.

Thursday, January 29, 2004

Where's Trixi?

My boss can take a marathon run right off of a gangplank. I cannot believe he cancelled my vacation. I was supposed to leave tomorrow for crying out loud. Ooh I could just strangle him. Well screw him. I can at least go for the weekend.

Phone brb.

UGh. That was Tim. He wants to take to the movies and dinner tomorrow night. What's it to be? Go for the weekend or go out with a hot police officer? Trixi's police officer. But she dumped him. Ut oh talking to myself is one thing, arguing is quite another. Sigh.

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Where's Trixi?

Based on my last vision of my girl I am going to bring some fun stuff with me. I packed my swimsuit. Jumpin Jesus I nearly forgot my camera. That would make me a dork of the first magnitude.

I wonder if I will meet any nice guys while I am on my quest. I wonder why I think of Tim and feel a twinge of guilt as I type that.

A great big XOXO to Kenny the Rooster, Fisher of the dreamy eyes and of course my target demographic for my new milf/coed webcam.

Mighty thanks to the man the myth the legend, Spittle2004.

Also to the queen of finance, justmyMO for helping me out with the thread of the day.

Where's Trixi

Meditating today I could see Trixi just as clearly as if she were in front of me. Her skin was still as pale as a grub pulled from under a log. She'd achieved anime hair, a lifelong dream of hers. She had it all blue and in a million tiny braids, pulled up into a fountain on top of her head. Girlfriend looked good and was laughing.

I've felt this total peace and stillness inside of me since I saw her. Baruch Hashem.

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

I'm curiously happy tonight. What brought that on?

Got my extra crispy lettuce in word whomp and I got my first badge in world class. Yerp I am such the hard worker.

Oddly enough I am a hard worker. I was thinking the other day I can just give up and work my day job and quit with the writing and just chill but that lasted for about half an hour. Damn it feels good to be a writer.

Where's Trixi

Hmm. My boss called me in today to talk to me. I think he had something to say that he didn't want to say but he never seemed to get around to it. Instead he got sidetracked. He wanted to talk about my plans for my vacation. I explained about Trixi and he asked about her parents. I explained that they are deceased. He squirmed around, lit a cigar, put it out, looked out the window, said something about how busy we are and asked if I were really looking forward to vacation.

I said yes and that I was going to find out what happened to Trixi. He asked me again if I were going to get in touch with her family and I said no I never once met any member of her family. He almost fell out of his chair at this. Yes we have been friends since grade school. Yes we spent a lot of time together. Yes we camped out in her backyard but we never went into the house. Her father slept during the day and her mother studied at night. Then later she never wanted me to visit them and she wouldn't talk about them at all.

My boss was flabbergasted and eventually I went back to my desk. He was still mumbling and writing notes last I saw him. Some people are so strange.

I'm all scatterbrained from reading web comics all night. Another chapter of the Talisman to Cul and Cam. Jack and Wolf just entered the Sunshine home. Bad times ahead. Sigh.

Tons if that new worm emails today. I'm running my scan right now. It's kind of funny when I get a worm purportedly from myself.

Pogo stuff for me to remember later - watermelon in word whomp, blue suede belt in pop fu and magic wand in fortune bingo although I do have to agree with whoever said it looked like a mop.

Monday, January 26, 2004

Where's Trixi?

I had this friend called Maggie. Her boyfriend died in a car accident. She said he saw they were about to get hit and he swerved the car so they were hit on his side of the car instead of hers. She always wondered what would have happened if he just flat out tried to avoided the accident.

She spent a lot of time over here crying on Trixi and my shoulders. She was a big support to me when Dixie vanished but then she moved to Tokyo where she seems to be very happy.

I have been thinking about something she said that is kind of odd. When she was watching a movie she would notice she felt at peace and happy. Then she'd see that her hand was out at her side, palm up like her dead boyfriend was holding it. She grew great comfort from those experiences.

Sunday, January 25, 2004

Wow it is snowing quite heavily for our area. There are about 2.5 inches already. It's supposed to snow and sleet until five tomorrow morning.

It Came From beneath the Snow. Coming to you from me and my children. Watch for it everywhere. I'm just sayin'

I signed up for two classes. Algebra and ecommerce. I think that officially makes me a winy college student with a blog. Go me.

Saturday, January 24, 2004

Where's Trixi?

I'm going to write about what happened yesterday as if it happened to someone else.

Dixie flipped the car mirror back up and grabbed her purse. More lipstick was not going to help the situation. Nothing was going to help.

Oh crikey who am I trying to fool? I can't do this. For now just accept that things went really really badly with Dale's parents. Maybe later I can talk about the gory details.

Where's Trixi?

What a horrible evening. I am shaking. Hang on. I'm going to make myself some tea. Brb.

Back. Deep breath. Okay maybe I can type without making mistakes now.

Jeez I am sorry but I can't do it. Maybe tomorrow. Or maybe never.

Thursday, January 22, 2004

Where's Trixi?

Not too much time left until my vacation. I started making lists today. I think it would be a really good idea to go visit Dale's parents and see what they have to say about his disappearance. I am only just now realizing I never talked to them.

This is good.

You have not converted a man because you have silenced him. -John Morley,
statesman and writer (1838-1923)

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Where's Trixi?

The year Trixi and I turned ten we got caught shoplifting. I think most children shoplift at some point. I imagine most of them get caught. There was something unusual about Trixi and I though. We caught each other.

We had one tiny little mom and pop store in our neighborhood. The people that owned it were very sweet. No way should we have been stealing from them. But as usual we were two girls with one brain. Silky, our little radio dog, had run out of batteries and neither of our parents were willing to buy us new batteries.

I took a pack of batteries while Mrs. Louis was getting some guy a pack of cigarettes. I started to feel bad right away but some bizarre part of my brain thought that Silky would die without them so I ignored the shame and cut on out of the store.

I found Trixi on the same swing set where I had first seen her with her radio dog. She jumped guiltily when she saw me. "Hey." she said.

"Hey. Watcha doing?"

"Nothing. How about you?"

"Got some batteries for Silky." We locked eyes and we both knew. Three minutes later we were returning the batteries. We agreed to sweep the store for a week to make up for our abortive attempt at crime. One more way we bonded. God how I miss her.

There's some excellent witty banter between Crystal and Al Gore in this thread.

This is funny. I was updating my profile at pogo and apparently Dick Francis has an obscene first name.

Because this is a family site, such language may not be included on your profile.

Age: 40

Gender: Female

Location: Maryland

Occupation: Writer/Actor

Relationship Status: Single

Interests: Writing, acting, directing, producing, dressage, reading, knitting

Favorite Saying: I am the king of the rain

General Information: I adore Neil Gaiman, Saki, PG Wodehouse, Douglas Adams, !!+& Francis, Adam F. Duritz, pranks and hoaxes. I have done stand-up, won an acting award from the British Embassy and several writing awards.

Favorite pogo game: Tri-Peaks Solitaire

200 words on CF. That's something I guess. I feel so bad for Sutter and Aaron my stomach hurts.

I'm not sleeping.

I finally thought I would fall asleep around 3:30 my time but I was quite wrong. I suddenly thought of some lines for Carnal Fear so I got back up, turned the computer on and opened up the novel. I haven't looked at in months. It's funny how much I like what I have written and how sad and scared I my own work can make me feel.

I'm changing the name of my column I write for Benn from Who Writes This Crap? to I Just Don't Get It.

I signed up for that algebra class today. God help us all.

There is some guy playing tri-peaks with a username of BCwhiskyjack. I started to ask him if he has read American Gods but I already asked Loki someone if he did. I can't wander around pogo when I can't sleep asking people if they are Neil fans, can I?

Blurb at MSN saying Bush says his job is not finished. I should hope not. When the job of the president is done aren't we sort of done as a country?

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Where's Trixi?

A friend of mine from work told me that Frank told everyone I am really strange and he left me at the dock in Annapolis. So I told everyone he wouldn't put out on the first date so I dumped him. Now that was funny.

Monday, January 19, 2004

Where's Trixi?

God bless Martin Luther King Jr. and all who dare to dream.

Sunday, January 18, 2004

Where's Trixi?

I called my friend Alice today. We haven't spoken since she told me I am way too wrapped up in Trixi's disappearance and I need to start worrying about my life before it disappeared. Me calling her does not mean I think she is right. I think she meant well and I am trying to take it in the spirit in which I hope she meant it.

we hooked up and went out for tea. Sometimes I forget how nice it is to just go do something and just have fun.

Earned my vidalia onion at pogo.

Netscape headline:

Should Lust Really Be a Sin?

Saturday, January 17, 2004

I had this weird revelation. A friend of mine from the Vine would like some feedback for a story he's writing.

I often think I don't do enough for the community, whatever the community is. I feel like I should be giving money but I don't really have any extra to give away. I do give money to writers whose work i like if they have a papal link.

But today I realized that I can give without giving money. In fact I already do. Like when I worked so long and hard on Chris in Ohio's script. That is giving, baby.

I wonder how many other people want to do everything. Sing, play guitar, piano, drums, write songs, jump six feet, FEI level dressage, write, direct and star in my films, draw, paint, knit, make some money. I guess I do four of those things. Ha! Make that six.

Where's Trixi

Sometimes my subconscious gets me in trouble. I was out today with a guy I know from work. His name is Frank. We were walking in the fricking freezing weather. He thought it would be nice to go to Annapolis to the docks and get ice cream. I wonder if his father was a polar bear and his mother made of now.

That song This Must Be the Place was running through my head. I was humming and then I started singing, quietly and then louder until I was really belting. Either I was trying to warn up or my brain froze. I was singing the line about "love me 'til my heart stops" when he moved really close and took my hand. Why bother? It's not like he could feel anything through those thick gloves anyway.

Then I was singing the "home is where I want to be" part and he got all offended. Not as offended as I was by him taking my hand without my permission but I didn't let him know. He took me home without even getting his ice cream. He will probably be distant and awkward at work Tuesday. Men. Whatever.


I might finally have some idea of how my Trixi and Dixie thing is going to end. I also think I have better name for them as well as a possibly cool title.

Stu is back to working on his kid's book. He came by yesterday to take some picture to use in his layout. Yay Stu!

Where's Trixi?

Work was rough today. All our customers called up and called me a bitch. That might be a bit of an exaggeration. One called me a heifer. That was kind of funny. I can't decide if it's better to be a ruminant or a canine. Oh well.

Tim came by and took me to see 21 Grams. Good movie but depressing. I am not clear on how you measure the 21 grams or how the heck you figure it out when I know for a fact that lots of people pee after they die as their muscle let go. Maybe they made the whole thing up.

Thursday, January 15, 2004

Where's Trixi?

I'm not going to be able to take my three weeks of vacation all at once in February. We got a new contract. We will be crunched for time so I am taking one week and then maybe two weeks in March.

If I have fun on my vacation does that make me a bad person? Would Trixi want me to mope or go swimming?

Yikes, Kevin sent me this very frightening link.

I never realized how many sayings/titles come from this one quote:

No man is an Island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friends or of thine own were; any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee. -John Donne, poet (1573-1631)

From The Boomtown Rats to Hemingway in one paragraph.

I noticed something a wee bit interesting over to Some of my friends were at level 46 aka zucchini 26. One of them played more than 200 games and didn't even get one percent of level 46. They wrote to pogo to ask what the heck was going on. Today I see that there are now 45 levels.

I am in an odd mood today. Alternately goofy and in love with the world and then thinking how very much I miss that Danny boy. My pictures of when I took him to OC and we stopped in Berlin to take pictures of the extras holding church with the mysterious gravestones was over at Megan and Jimi and Carol's house. I wonder how they got there.

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

Ooh I just earned my ugly fruit over to Goodbye turnip and assorted other root vegetables.

Where's Trixi?

A tanker fell off 95 onto 895 or maybe the other way around. It was around three yesterday. I am stunned. I just heard about it. I don't know why nobody told me yesterday. They all know I live near Baltimore. I am so shaky. Five people died. I can't imagine how horrifying it must have been for everyone involved and all the other traffic. Thank God it wasn't into the main rush hour.

Where's Trixi?

Stayed late at work today. It's sort of my refuge from bad depressing thoughts. It's kind of funny because I was running late this morning so I drove in instead of taking the Metro. Then I realised the last train was leaving shortlky so I ran to the MEtro stop.

I was adding money to my SmartCard when I remembered I had parked so I had about three minutes to run back to the garage and get my car before it closed for the night. Sheesh talk about scatterbrained.

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

I can't decide if this is a joke. First I think yes then I think no. The terrible spelling and incorrect word use does not help.

Monday, January 12, 2004

Where's Trixi?

No trace of Dale staying anywhere. Tim dropped by last night with the DVD for Lord of the Rings The Two Towers. I decided what the heck and asked him to see if there was any trace of Dale or Trixi in OC any time in the last year.

Then we watched the movie. Damn but that Orlando Bloom is fine. Tim keeps trying to convince me that Legolas is in love with the stout Gimli. That dog won't hunt.

It was nice snuggling up on the couch with Tim. Why oh why did Trixi dump him? I just don't get it.

Sunday, January 11, 2004

Where's Trixi?

When I try and talk about Trixi I almost always end up crying. It's usually a problem but today I think it worked in my favour.

I called the Fenwick Inn. It's her favourite place to stay when she goes down to the shore. The guy who answered the phone didn't want to give me any information but once I burst into tears he was desperate to help me. Sadly he had no record of Trixi staying.

Which doesn't mean she hasn't been there. She could be staying under another name. Wait a minute, what about Dale? Why did I not see him when I saw her? Maybe they are staying under his name. Back to the phones.

Saturday, January 10, 2004

Where's Trixi?

Spent most of the day meditating and trying to pick up Trixi's aura. I did it exactly the way we used to do it together. Turn on the fountain, sit cross legged on the bed, turn off all the lights and breathe in to the count of ten, hold my breath to the count of ten, breathe out to the count of ten and so on.

I didn't get anything for a long time. Then I suddenly felt relaxed and peaceful for the first time since she vanished. I could see her walking along a beach. She was all bundled up in unfamiliar clothing. Her head was down and her long blonde hair was flowing out behind her.

I think she's at Ocean City, judging by the boardwalk I guess it could be another boardwalk but we both love OC.

Well Danny as Mr. E. says, It's a motherfucker, being here without you.

Sometimes I tell myself I never cared that much about you but even as I say it I know I am a big fat liar.

Friday, January 09, 2004

Where's Trixi?

Holy cow, that bible salesman came back by. His name is Nathaniel. He showed me the order form. It's written in Trixi's handwriting. She really did order it. Won't Tim feel silly now?

I asked Nathaniel why it took him so long to deliver the bible. Trixi has been gone for so long. He looked confused and then he looked at the order form and showed me that Trixi ordered it six weeks ago. What does that mean? He said she was here at the house when he came by.

Then he said she has a blue clay facial when he came to the door so he couldn't really see what she looked like. I have no idea what this all means. It's very strange. He said she sounds an awful lot like me but then a lot of people say that.

I want to call Tim and ask him what it means that Trixi ordered something from this very house just a few weeks ago but I have been calling him every single day. I need to think this one through on my own.

Oh yes, I asked the bible salesman why his card rang through to an escort service. He looked shocked and then asked to use my phone. He got right through to his cell. I must have misdialed. Sheesh, life is confusing enough without me making stupid mistakes.

Thursday, January 08, 2004

Where's Trixi?

That was a little embarrassing. Tim said that the old bible scam is one of the oldest cons in the book.

I know I am naive. I have been told that a million times. Sometimes with scorn and sometimes lovingly. I still have to ask myself how did this bible salesman know that Trixi was gone?

I called the number on the card. It is the number for an escort service. I didn't know people who sold bibles used escorts.

Oh never mind. I guess that was kind of silly thinking on my part.

I called the bank and put a stop payment on the check for the bible. If the guy is legitimate he might come back here looking for payment and I can ask him some questions.

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

Where's Trixi?

Some guy came by today selling bibles. He said Trixi ordered one before she died. I don't know how he knows she is dead when nobody knows for sure.

I have no idea why Trixi would have bought a bible with her name in gold lettering on the side and Jesus' name picked out in red through the whole book. She had her own weird little religion. Trixixm I guess.

I am keeping the bible salesman's card to give to Tim. Maybe I will call him and tell him what happened.

My top ten I just sent in to the Shank. These sites are NOT for everyone.

Top ten favourite websites and blogs for 2003 in some bizarre order chosen by my subconscious - Neil’s blog with all kinds of fun and thought provoking stuff. - politics, writing advice, diabetic recipes and more. - thanks to Benn for having Tiny’s book on sale and getting me hooked on this very funny cartoon love advice. – the most addictive game site I know. - I like the message boards here. All my marriage proposals in 2003 came from members of the Everything Else forum. Riverbend keeps one of the most articulate intelligent blogs I’ve ever seen. Unfortunately the people who could learn the most from her don’t. – there’s not a lot here but it’s all hilarious. Everyone should read Old Hand’s thoughts on leaving voicemail. – that’s who represents, not whore presents. It’s the place to find out who represents Adam Sandler so you can his manager, get permission to submit your script all so they can return it as unsolicited. – this site rocks. You can add your own definitions to words and fuck with people’s heads for free! – this very funny hentai is not for the easily offended. Or possibly those who are offended by anything at all.

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

Where's Trixi?

I am making a list of things I need to do before I go. Now three weeks of vacation don't sound like much at all. The beginning of February seems very close.

Given the subjective elasticity of time I am not sure why we don't have time travel.

Where's Trixi?

I have three weeks of vacation from last year. I never took a single day off. Use it or lose it is what the head of HR told me today. I am taking three weeks at the beginning of February. I am going to find Trixi. If not her then whatever is left of her.

I think she's out there somewhere. I'm going to concentrate on her whenever I have a few minutes. I am sure I will feel her. Then all I have to do is go to her. Easy as one two three.

I finished her dresser.

Sunday, January 04, 2004

Where's Trixi?

Sundays suck. They creep by too slowly then the next thing I know it is time to go to bed. It's weird how I can have way too much to do and still have time on my hands to sit on the bed, cry and wish that everything was different.

Word Whomp

Earned my quince. Very unattractive.

Where's Trixi?

I spent the day going through Trixi's room sorting out her things for charity. We wear the same size. We used to swap clothes all the time but I cannot bring myself to wear anything she owned or anything of mine she wore a lot.

I found one of our scrapbooks in her bookcase. I sat on her bed, flipping through pages, feeling maudlin and wondering how we ever ended up like this.

I am no longer sure of anything. I start something and then I think it is not the right thing. Just a few days ago I was so determined to find her and now I am kissing her ex and packing her up to be shopped off to aid the poor.


Word Whomp

Earned my pumpkin. It's pretty.

Friday, January 02, 2004

I was playing word whomp over to again today. A woman called sleepy told me how to speed the game up. I earned my nut, which sounds so much like a line from Gin and Juice and by the end of the night I earned my onion. Woohoo!

Where's Trixi?

Tim came over again today. My plan to call him Officer Benny is not a good one. He looks so stricken when I do. He said no talking about Trixi. He can't stand to see me looking so sad. I guess that works both ways.

We played some music, danced a little, I kicked his ass at canasta and then he left. On his way out the door he took my hands, looked at me very carefully and then he kissed me goodnight. It was startling but nice.

He acted like it was no big deal but it was a big deal. I feel like I should have stopped him. This makes me a bad person.

Thursday, January 01, 2004

Where's Trixi?

That was very peculiar. I walked up to a bunch of Dale's friends. They shut up and stared at me the second they saw me.

I was so impressed with Tim's behaviour on the drive over that I started wondering all over again why the hell Trixi dumped him. I didn't want to ask him so I asked Dale's friends if they knew why Trixi had been dating Dale.

A real tall thin guy said "What are you talking about? Dale wasn't dating Trixi, he was dating y..." and then another guy belted him in the stomach. He made this oofing noise and doubled over.

Everyone else turned away and acted like I wasn't even there. What does that mean? I get more confused every day.

Blogger is acting up a bit. I type in an address for a blog and I get the Blogger homepage. Puts a bit of a damper on my plan to make my top 10 list of favourite sites and blogs.

It's also refreshing every few second which I find rather disconcerting.

Happy New Year everyone.

May the new year be filled with glory, learning, and happy fun dancing.

Some peace wouldn't be amiss.