Monday, May 31, 2004

Follow the day...

I've been listening to the Polyphonic Spree all weekend. There is a scene in Madwoman I have often thought of but never written that I call Dancing with the sun. I always imagined it with no music at all but Light and Day would be perfect.

Saturday, May 29, 2004

The Truth Shall Set You Free

This is very funny and very true.

Dreams and portents?

I am reading Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials series. I finished The Subtle Knife yesterday. It's fabulous and like all good art it crept into my dreams. In the world of the lead, Lyra, the soul manifests as a daemon, a separate being in the shape of an animal. There is a big struggle going on with the church and that is all I want to say because I would hate to spoil it but you should go read it.

I dreamt I was in this church. I was meant to read one of the readings but I just did not fit in. The priest kept complaining about everything. He didn't like my shoes. I wasn't even wearing the falsely maligned pink Chuck Taylors or the African cat shoes. In fact I believe I was barefoot and wearing what I wore when I was a disciple in Jesus Christ Superstar.

For that show I wore dance tights and a hippy dress. My boyfriend at the time was mad because my dress was sort of transparent when the light came from behind. He said it was too revealing but I had dance tights and a bra for heavens sakes. Our Jesus said I was lighting up his life and not change my costume. But I digress.

In this dream the priest didn't like my jewelry either. I had some kind of talisman in a box on a string round my neck. I believe I had stored my life in the box.

He didn't like my daemon being in church. Criminy if you can't take your soul to church where can you take it? Then he wanted to know of what generation my father is. I was confused by this question and said he was of the generation before mine.

The priest looked him up in a book and said he was of the 2012 generation. I thought this meant my father will die in 2012 but could get no straight answer from the priest, just a series of incriminations ending in that I should be more like my sister Hilary. Like that is going to happen. Nothing is going to reform this outcast Bohemian rebel.

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

And in the what the fuck category

How does the agent and publisher have more control than the family? I don't understand this and the whole thing makes me really angry.

Poor Douglas Adams didn't want his unfinished work to be published and of course it was and of course I would never read it because it would be a betrayal to the author.

Neil wants his unpublished stuff burnt when he dies and I can totally understand that. The difference between a partial first draft and a completed novel is like the difference between an amoeba and a giraffe. (I like giraffes. They are ungainly and charming rather like myself.)

My youngest son has had a problem with being picked on pretty consistently.

He came home Monday and his arm was sore because this one kid pushed him off the risers in music class.

I told Cam he needs to punch this kid in the face. I don't know why I am so fixated on the face except that 1) being punched in the nose really hurts and 2) I think a punch in the face is more shocking and will stop a fight pretty fast where a punch in the arm will just get things going.

But then whenever someone punched me in the face they either broke my glasses or sent them flying and I couldn't see so maybe it's not as bad to someone who can see pretty well. Although it never stopped me from fighting back. But I digress.

I was showing Cam how to hit someone without telegraphing the blow, don't lead from the shoulder, don't draw your arm back, just piston your fist right into their nose and he got really upset.

He said "Mom, I have a PERFECT record at school!" And I said yes but you also have a perfect record of kids hitting you and taking stuff that is yours and really if you just hit this kid (in the face) out of the blue everyone will back off. It only takes one fight to show you are not a pushover. Plus you can always knock him down and jump on him if he's winning.

The thing is I know a lot about fighting but I don't what is fighting like a girl. I never fought by scratching or pulling hair, once the other party, or parties, knocked me down I used to grab their heads and pound them into the concrete until they promised to leave me alone and one time in seventh grade in Buffalo I knocked this boy out but I don't know if that is acceptable for fighting in school.

Then Chris and I both told Cam that the school record is totally meaningless. It won't follow him forever. One fight in sixth grade is not going to keep him out of college. He was kind of iffy but asked his brothers to fight him and they wrecked the living room.

The next day he came home from school much happier than he has been in months. He came in and told me he was scheduled for a fight today in the boy's bathroom after 3rd period, which is actually really late because their periods are 80 something minutes long.

He said the kid was pushing him around in one of his classes and instead of backing down he looked the kid right in the eye. The kid said "What do you want to fight?" and Cam said yes so they scheduled the fight.

I gave him a lot of encouragement. I think this is the right thing to do. I am not advocating punching just anyone in the face but really some people need it.

He called his dad, my ex, up and told him what was going on and his dad bawled him out. He told Cam that the other kid was going to bring a gun and a knife to school so that Cam would be shot, stabbed and then expelled. Then his dad said he was calling the school to put a stop to the whole thing.

Of course this also means I am a terrible, terrible mother, inciting my poor kid to violence, and trying to get him shot, stabbed and expelled all at once.

His dad called the school yesterday and said Cam had a "disagreement" with another kid and to put a stop to any fighting. This annoyed the hell out of me.

This morning Cam was really nervous but I told him he would be fine and Chris told him to make sure he had his posse with him in case the other kid had his.

Cam came home from school in a really good mood. The school did nothing to stop the fight. There were about 70 kids there to watch the fight. The girls go into the boys bathroom to watch fights and it's all good.

Cam had brought three kids and one kid's big brother just to keep the other kids from jumping into the fight.

The other kid told Cam he was "going to use pencils on him and make him drink his own blood." I think that is unspeakably funny.

Cam told the kid to turn out his pockets and he had seven "really sharp" pencils. Cam told him to lose the pencils, the kid said he was going to put them in his locker and then he skulked away, never to return.


Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Happy Birthday Cam!

Power is of two kinds. One is obtained by the fear of punishment and the other by acts of love. Power based on love is a thousand times more effective and permanent then the one derived from fear of punishment.
-Mahatma Gandhi

Sunday, May 16, 2004

And now it's time to say what I forgot to say...

I'm working on this Presently Occupied thing. I am often struck by critical analysis of my own work which can be somewhat disconcerting.

The three projects of mine have had the theme that you can accomplish anything at all by sheer force of will.

Also at least of my leads in everything I have written lately is dead. I think that not counting poetry every single thing I have written since Dan died has a dead person or a death in it. Which is not to say none of the poetry has death because a lot of it does just not all. Actually now I can't think of any that doesn't.

I wonder how long this will last.

When I talk about Dan I have this urge to say God rest his soul but I cannot imagine that Dan would ever want to rest quietly or noisily.

Saturday, May 15, 2004

Should I open it?

I got a package today. It's a shoebox with something in it. The last name is close to the last name of the Unabomber and it's from Littleton, CO.

I watched some special about the Unabomber two years ago when I was in hospital with a bloodclot. I don't know why I watch stuff like that. I get all freaked out and now I look at this box and see the footage of the damage done after one of the bombs went off.

I don't really think there is anything wrong with this package. I just have an imagination that is both a blessing and a curse.

I finished the Year's Best Horror and Fantasy 15th Annual Collection. There are some brilliant stories in there.

I'm smart, intuitive and I don't think in a straight line so why do some of these stories leave me yelling what the fuck did that mean? It's maddening when I can't understand something.

Wow, impressive!

My understanding, which could be wrong, is that Zarqawi said he murdered Berg and put the video up on his website. So when I see things like this:

Using voice analysis, they determined that Zarqawi - a one-legged mystery man with a $10 million bounty on his head - was the hooded figure who wielded the knife.

I really wonder. If you've got a video of a bunch of guys getting ready to kill someone, one of the possible killers has only one leg and he puts evidence on his website, why the hell does anyone need voice analysis?

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

As God is my witness I will never lost my divorce papers again!

I'm fairly sure that is a big lie. Knowing me I will sleep walk and bury it in the common area behind the house tonight.

Sunday, May 09, 2004

Celtic Goddess Test

Which Celtic Goddess am I? The spiteful angry one apparently.

The Morrigu (or Morrigan) was a Celtic War Goddess
who delighted in setting men at war. She fought
in battles herself, and at times hovered like a
crow over the warring men. She was represented
as fully armed, carrying two spears in her
hand, and wherever there was war, she was
there. Her battle cry is said to be louder than
that of a thousand men. You are spiteful,
cruel, and dark. But those who befriend you are
on your good side for life.

What Celtic Goddess are You? (With pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla

Heh I changed befiend to befriend but maybe it was supposed to be befiend given what a rotten person I am.

One day someone told me I was sour at the Vine so I wrote a little cheer that goes:

I might be sour
But I got the power

Which seems to really fit here. The interconnectedness of things.

Monday, May 03, 2004

A horrible life is one of the best things that can happen to a writer.

I'm just sayin'

Sunday, May 02, 2004

What if?

I don't know if I am a writer because I can't stop playing the what if game or if I play the what if game because I am a writer. To me the two most important questions I ask are what next? and what if?

The kids and I went to the Sheep and Wool Festival today. As we were getting ready to go home the announcer said that he needed everyone's help. A blonde five year old girl wearing pink was missing and he went on with some more details and something I didn't quite catch that sounded like something about a strange adult.

We went on out to the van and I was sitting in the driver's seat, getting ready to go when a guy caught my eye. He was carrying a handmade broom and a little blonde girl dressed in pink and flowers. She was deeply asleep. He carried her past us and put her in the back of the van. He started fiddling around with things, rearranging them.

Cul turned to me and said he thought it was very creepy and I agreed. It was creepy. Cul asked what we should do and I wasn't sure. I finally decided better safe than sorry and I told Cul to write down the guy's license plate number and to go back into the Festival to see if the girl was still missing.

As he walked away the guy started changing the little girl's clothes. Again something that could be totally innocent but what if it weren't? He took the pink clothes and stuffed them deep into the back of the van.

Cul eventually came back to say that the little girl had been found and the guy who was making the announcements talked to him as though he were stupid for not knowing the little girl was no longer lost.

I think the announcer guy acted like a dick. Maybe we did too. Maybe we were paying attention to something that was not any of our business at all, although it seemed like it might be our business after we were told to find a girl of this description. Maybe we were being obnoxious and maybe we owe that guy an apology. But still, what if?

Saturday, May 01, 2004

I was just reading this, courtesy of Neil and I'm thinking that calling your readers bastards is the kind of thing that could alienate one or two of them.

I'm just sayin'

It's funny that article just showed up since my short, The Door or the Box, is essentially about signing. vorpal says it is clearly influenced by Neil and he's right. I knew very little about signings before I started reading Neil's blog.

I like how my character makes a hard job more difficult. He's a stubborn beast.