Sunday, July 25, 2004

I love how words that are usually used to show you like someone can be turned around and used aggressively.

My favourite comes from Dead Like Me (I think that's where I saw it) where two guys are about to get into a fight and the first calls the second one friend and the second one says "I'm not your friend, FRIEND!" and you know they are going to punch each other in about a second and a half.

Other good ones include, but are not limited to:






Tuesday, July 20, 2004

All this puking is making me sick.
I was trying to play backgammon tonight and all of a sudden I started throwing up like mad.  Really what must that be like for my opponent?  If I were losing I must be the biggest sore loser ever. If I were winning that may be even worse.

It's all old and boring and I can't stand it too much longer.  The worst part is throwing up the medicine that is meant to keep me from throwing up.

Sunday, July 18, 2004

I love that feeling I have when I am sleepy and I can just give in and sleep as much as I want to.  So often I am simply not sleepy or I have to stay awake because I am working and then when I get done working I am no longer sleepy.
The height of luxury is that intense feeling washing over me, the hypnogogueic images and then sinking down into a sea of dreams.
My dreams of late have been disappointing in the extreme. I have been dreaming about my job. Specifically I have been dreaming that I am reading the posting of three or four people from the Vine.  The ennoying thing is that these posters are boring and repetitious and reading their stuff is kind of like listening to the plot of a Space Warrior Dudes rerun as told by a three year old with a stutter and a lisp.
Normally I don't mind reading in my sleep. I have read the most amazing things and awoken still clutching at the book, feeling it shred in my hands as reality intrudes but dear God if those Vine dreams had kept up much longer I would have started my own sleep deprivation study.
Yesterday I was extremely sick. I had terrible chest pains and I kept thinking I should maybe go to the ER but was too sick to take myself. On the one hand I think anyone who called up the ER and said I have a history of blood clots and a pulmonary embolism and this morning I am puking blood and I hurt so much I can't sit up or lie down would get a fervent then come on in! from the person on the other line.
It would certainly be my own advice to anyone who had those symptoms.
On the other hand I have been vomiting quite a lot from this PTC and I have been to the hospital before with these symptoms and only once was it a pulmonary embolism. Yes I am quite aware that it only takes once and that will be the end of wondering if I require treatment.
But I am feeling much better today and I am very sleepy and gave in and had the most beautiful dream of living in this lovely place all filled with light and water and a dear friend was there with me and we were sitting there talking and the kids were swimming and next door someone was watching a soap opera called The Cigarette Girl which featured a character named after me who was trying to work her way out of being framed for the murder of a stripper, a stripper who was very much alive and listening on the other side of the door as Ms. TV Georgiana was pacing around trying to decide what to do and finally crawling up onto a ledge and escaping her building that way.  It was good times.

This has to be a joke. Most everything on the list is either cliche or it sounds like it would be the most boring experience of my life. How I could have hundreds of most boring experiences of my life is an interesting philosophical question but I don't intend to find out.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004


I was looking at this article about how they decided that the acceptable LDL cholesterol levels are too high and need to be reduced. They say if you are a terrible risk to get your LDL below 70. My entire score is 65. Ha ha. Finally this genetic jackpot that gives me the fattie fat fat and the bloodclot and the terrible eyesight genes pay off and I get something sweet out of it.

Monday, July 12, 2004

I can/can't/can do this

It drives me crazy that I have no yet finished Carnal Fear. I open it every now and then. Sometimes I write something.

I opened it up today and started reading part of it to see where I left off. I can't read more than about five words before I start crying. I don't know what that says about the quality of the writing but boy is it ever painful for me to read. My chest feels like I forgot how to breathe just from clicking on its folder.

But you know I know it is good. Maybe not good all the way through yet and clearly unfinished but it's good and I want to finish it before I die.

Sunday, July 11, 2004

I put a new picture of me up at the Vine because my hair is so much shorter now.

Night Terrors

Cullen was in here playing on my computer all night or I guess all morning would be more accurate since I went to sleep around five this morning.

I woke up because my CPAP machine dries my throat out and I broke a blood vessel or something. The end result is I woke up very confused with my mouth so dry I could not move my tongue or lips and a lot of blood in the back of my throat that I wanted to spit out.

Cullen thought I could not talk because I had stroked out and was aphasic. It's really sad that he worries about that so much. It is the second time this week he has talked about me having a stroke.

Saturday, July 10, 2004

I don't know where I go this crazy idea that prostitution is illegal. This is DC we are talking about.

Paula Danziger RIP. What a wonderful, funny, talented writer. May God rest you and keep you.

Friday, July 09, 2004

Sweet titties!

I had to go and get a mammogram a couple of weeks ago. The radiology tech was much more freaked out by my lump than I was. I think my whole theory that I have enough whacked out medical crap that getting breast cancer would be a) unbelievable and b) too mundane protect me from fears about what lumps mean.

She kept me there until she got a doctor to read my results and she told me not to worry. But she wants me to keep a breast diary. Doesn't that sound dull? It would have to be a blog and I would have to call it Sweet, Sweet Titties!

Thursday, July 08, 2004

Cam's political compass -

Economic Left/Right: -4.75
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -3.13

More when I am not so tired.

Wednesday, July 07, 2004


I changed my description over there at the left top. So I am thinking that since I said communist and anarchist and in here I no doubt call someone the bomb diggity someone somewhere will pull up the results of a search that has bomb, commie and anarchist and I will wake up to the sounds of the new Department of the Fatherland breaking down my door. It will be splendid.

I was talking to my friend Kathy today and she said I am a good debater. I don't know that is quite true. I just have very strong opinions and I have reasons for my opinions.

We were talking about same sex marriage because I think it's SO GAY that Kerry says he supports homosexual rights but not gay marriages. Dude you are either for or against. You can't be half assed like that. Either you believe that gays are people just like me, I was going to say you but I suspect Kerry and I are radically different, and we all get the same permission to do stuff or you don't.

If you support gays you support their right to be in a marriage. I totally do. Kathy was saying that she would be down if it wasn't called marriage, if it was called a union. Semantics!

And I said that back in the day - and here I totally pulled this out of years of reading and no particular source - a guy could marry 27 wives. To me then all of those women have 26 wives and are engaged in a same sex marriage. So if we have to say we can only look at traditional marriages well then hell, traditional marriages have been same sex for a really long time.

I'm just sayin'

Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Wow I took this test and here are the results:

The Political Compass

Economic Left/Right: -7.38
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -7.95

I am more of an anarchist than anyone on the chart and almost more of a communist than Stalin, although of course he is an authoritarian and I am a libertarian. That was interesting.

Proving that for at least a little while the apple does not fall far from the tree, Cullen got this score -

Your political compass
Economic Left/Right: -4.50
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -6.00

The test can be found here.

Monday, July 05, 2004

I see my titles don't show up either. Interesting. I shall have to footle around some more tomorrow.

I am trying to decide what to do with with my Where's Trixie thing. I stopped writing it when I was really sick. But what to do now I am not sure. Delete and start fresh?

No comments after all

That was interesting. Nothing I wrote yesterday would show up. I republished a couple of times yesterday then gave up.

I just republished the whole thing again now as yesterday's posts were still missing and now there they are sans comments. I guess comments are not meant to be.

I had the queerest dream last night. I dreamt I was staying with Will Shetterly and Emma Bull, who were running a bed and breakfast in a converted lighthouse over in Talbot County on the Eastern Shore. It was a really nice place but since they live in Arizona I'm thinking it was not exactly accurate.

Wbat happened to my post?

Did my fiddling around with the template today destroy new posts?

Independence Day

I celebrated by listening to the Sex Pistols, Anarchy in the UK and reading a whole lot of political blogs.

Plus I declared freedom from getting dressed for the weekend since I was not exactly going anywhere.

Something I learned recently:

When your PT/INR is too high and you are bruising easily you cannot take a skeleton key and press it into your leg and create an intriguing key shaped bruise. You just get a normal boring bruise.

I enabled comments today but if they ennoy me I shall shut them off. I am 80% sure they are a rotten idea.

Saturday, July 03, 2004

Brain stuff

I'm still not happy with my brain. Not that it is my brain's fault or anything.

This thing with my vision is not good. The other day I called Cullen in because I thought the room was filling up with smoke but it wasn't. It was just my eyes getting really bad really quickly.

My medicine is just not working all that well. I fell over yesterday right when my ex was picking the kids up. I hear that swooshing noise all the time. I'm throwing up a lot. It's just not very good.

I watched this tv show the other day called Kingdom Hospital. It sucks major ass but there was this scene where someone was having brain surgery and then all these ants and maggots came crawling out of the brain and then this giant talking anteater showed up and I thought this not the sort of thing I should be watching. It is not conducive to making me call that brain surgeon I was supposed to call a week ago.

What an incredible asshole. I was going to say why but there is not enough space on the internet for all my reasons.